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Dear:
[ ] Clueless Newbie
[ ] Troller
[ ] "Me too"-er
[ ] Spammer
[ ] Racist
[ ] Expert on everything (EOE)
[ ] Flamerthrower
[ ] News Groupie


You Are Being Flamed Because:

[ ] You obviously don't know anything about the topic at hand
[ ] You are trying to make money on a non-commercial newsgroup
[ ] You posted a picture (binary) of something YOU think is really cool in an unmoderated TEXT ONLY news group
[ ] You started a long, stupid thread
[ ] You continued spreading a long stupid thread
[ ] You started a thread that has been discussed here continuously for the last year and a half
[ ] Your post is absurdly off topic for where you posted it
[ ] You didn't pay attention to the originating post header and posted a followup to crossposted robot-generated spam
[ ] You posted a "test" in a discussion group rather than in alt.test
[ ] You posted a "YOU ALL SUCK" message
[ ] You posted low-IQ flamebait
[ ] You posted a blatently obvious troll
[ ] You followed up to a blatently obvious troll
[ ] You said "X rules, Y sucks" and gave no support for your lame statement
[ ] You said "me too" to something and added NOTHING to the discussion
[ ] You make no sense
[ ] You posted the same text multiple times
[ ] You made a post yet failed to say anything
[ ] You posted a phone-sex ad
[ ] You posted a stupid pyramid money making scheme
[ ] You claimed a pyramid-scheme/chain letter for money was legal
[ ] Your margin settings (or lack of) make your post unreadable
[ ] You posted SCREAMING in RANDOM CAPS (OR IN ALL CAPS) for NO APPARENT REASON
[ ] You posted a 2 line reply with PAGES of unecessary quoted text
[ ] You didn't quote AT ALL.
[ ] You didn't do anything specific, but appear to be so generally worthless that you are being flamed anyway


To Repent, You Must:

[ ] Refrain from posting until you have a vague idea what you're doing
[ ] READ every post in this group for two weeks so you can have some idea about what is discussed here
[ ] Read every newsgroup you posted to for a week
[ ] Give up your AOL account
[ ] Give up your webTV account
[ ] Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it
[ ] Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor (monitor must be plugged in)
[ ] Actually post something relevant
[ ] Post to alt.test
[ ] Print your home phone number and address in your ads
[ ] Be the guest of honor in alt.flame for a month
[ ] Nothing, we'll let you go this time


In Closing, I'd Like to Say:

[ ] Get a clue
[ ] Get a life
[ ] Go away
[ ] Grow up
[ ] Never post again
[ ] You need to seek psychiatric help
[ ] Like a neutered dog, you just don't get it
[ ] Take your gibberish somewhere else
[ ] Go back to school and actaully learn something
[ ] Learn how to post or get off the usenet
[ ] Don't take offense at this, I just like to use this form
[ ] All of the above