Author unknown unless otherwise noted
(I didn't write this, author unknown)
(I didn't write that either)


You Might Be A Yuppie Biker If:


If you drink cappucino instead of beer.

If you cant figure out why the battery on your new bike won't stay charged.

If your trailer has more miles on it than your bike

If your leathers still have creases

If you don't ride your bike to work because it scuffs your penny loafers.

If you move your bike and the grass is brown under the wheels.

If your tatoos wash off.

If you have doubled the weight of your bike with bolt on chrome.

If you have never kick started a bike before.

If you buy bikes as investments.

If you refer to your bike as your "toy".

If you wear a full face helmet

If you wear a helmet

If you wear earplugs

If you really believe that there are bikes that come customized from the factory

If the last time you went to the Harley dealer you came home with golfballs and a toilet seat

If your Harley shirt has a coller

If its not fun to ride unless someone sees you

If you don't ride in the rain

If you can't find your oil filter

If you think any motorcycle is too loud

If your poneytail comes off with your cap

If you leave your garagedoor open just so people can see your bike

If you need a biker lingo book

If your a HOG member and think your an outlaw

If you think a wrench is a bitchy woman

If when you buy your bike you start calling everyone "bro"

If you stop 30 miles from Sturgis to unload your bike so you can ride in

If you think the models in the catalogs are what bikers are suppose to look like

If you worry about what bikers are suppose to look like

If you read VQ

If other people you consider bikers scare you

    From James

IF you paint your office nick-name (like EasyRider or Bad-Ass) on your Bell open face helemet.

    From Sarge

You know you're a yuppie biker if you paid for your new FXSTC in 24 months or less.

You know you're a yuppie biker if you complained about the "smell and fumes" near the back of your last group ride.

You know you're a yuppie biker if you won't ride unless it's a group ride.

You know you're a yuppie biker if everyone on your last group ride works at your law firm, or plays golf with you.

You know you're a yuppie biker if you've ever said "Isn't it too cold/wet/hot/dry/dark to ride?"

    From Pablo

You know you're a yuppie biker if the only reason you have a scooter is because your brother is C&W singer Doug Stone and he gave you his old hog.

    From Sr

you carry a cam-corder instead of a knife

    From John Ewell

If your saddlebags have a special pocket for your cell phone

From Billy 5Speed

You read this page & say hey I do that!

Your only scoot has been a Knucklehead & u don't even know what that is.

You put newspaper under your scoot to catch da drippins.

When u pull in da driveway you hit da button on da garage door opener (hmmmm not a bad idea)

Other bikers at da bar say, "who's that?"

Bikers check out your scoot & say man dat boys got way to much money!

If your jeans have a crease.

If your jeans are clean, in fact, if any spot on you is clean.

You take your scoot in fer an oil change.

You think fringe is a mandantory accessory on your leathers.

You try to look like a biker.

You try to act like a biker.

You've ever stopped at a red light & forgot to put a foot down (sober).

You run into the bros & they say hey lets go here & u have to call home to check first.


You belly up to the bar and ask for a Heineken

The only time you've thrown up is when you've had the flu or just had too many veggie fajitas

You've never been in a fight with more than one of anything

You think brown sugar is something that goes into Mom's cookies

Your leathers shine

Your boots cost more than you spend on gas in two months

    From Vixen

You think a chain is sumpin you wear around your neck.

You think a missing link is a human race thing.

You think a wristpin is sumpin you wear on your wrist.

If bikers give you a nickname something like PUD and u think its cool.

If you have lil eagles on all your clothes.

If you read this page & get pissed!!!

The two most important items in your toolkit are gojo and a manicure kit.

You think that's actually a *suntan* that makes real bikers so dark-skinned.

When your scoot doesn't start, your first thought is "how do I get it to a shop?"

    From Matt

You ride a Harley and drive a toyota, bmw, lexus, etc, ad nauseum...

    From Conan Moore

You might be a yuppie biker if you're reading this page and taking notes on how to be more like a real biker.

    From Todd E. Williams

Where I live, we have more than our fair share of these guys around. While reading the list some of these things came to mind. If you like any of them, go ahead and add them. Great list by the way.

1. If your car cost more than your bike and your bike cost $35,000.

2. If you think it is impossible to smoke while riding.

3. If you think a basket case is something to carry your wife's Longabarger baskets in.

4. If you've never used your jacket as a pillow.

5. If you spend more time polishing it than you do riding it.

6. If you've never worn out a back tire faster the front.

7. If a tune up costs you more than the cost of the parts you need.



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